How you treat people matters. "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"? Nah. Words can do serious damage. I prefer, "Keep your words soft and sweet, because you might have to eat them." Or, quite simply, the Thumper Rule: If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. Because, as we see in Ecclesiastes 8:4, "Where the word of a king is, there is power..." We are kings and priests, right? What we say, what we do, affects the world that we live in. Confession with the mouth makes things manifest in our lives. Death and life in the power of the tongue, right? So I said all that to say this: When we're talking about doing unto others as we would have them do unto us... a lot of that is what comes out of our mouths. Not me personally, because I try to get through a day of work on as few words as possible, but human beings as a species are all about words. Talking. Verbal communication. And what you say matters. You can't just fly off at the mouth and think it doesn't mean anything. It does. People want to be listened to, and taken seriously, but they don't run things through their filter before unleasing it on the world. You don't have to believe everything you think. And you don't have to say everything you think. I don't like to be yelled at--who does, right?--so I try my level best not to yell at people. Treating others how I would like to be treated. Now, I don't believe that I will get people to NOT yell at me by keeping myself calm, cool, and collected. It doesn't work that way. You can't treat someone the way you want to be treated in the hopes of being treated that way. People are going to do what they're going to do. You can't control them or manipulate them. All you can do is love them. Show them a better way. A more excellent way. And, in the process, when you're giving love... that's the best way to experience love! Because love is giving. So rather than trying to get people to treat us a certain way--which you really really can't... again, people are going to do what they're going to do--all YOU can do is make sure you're doing your part. As long as I'm walking in love I know I'm doing what I ought to be doing. Thinking about others. HELPING others. Seeing a need and meeting it. Making sure I've got myself on lock instead of trying to lock other people up. Listen, if the Holy Spirit can't convict you to the point where you stop acting like a fool... what chance do I have? None. And, by the way, it's not my job to make you do anything. Right this second, when my son is 8 years old and lives in my house, he's my responsiblity. But beyond that, I don't think I really have any control over anybody else. And I don't want that kind of control. I have enough just taking care of myself most days. So rather than, again, trying to control or manipulate people... we need to just start loving people. Giving what we've got instead of trying to get what we think we haven't got. Don't worry about what you don't have. Enjoy what you DO have by giving it away. By sharing it. Don't try to get something from people. That's not what doing unto others is about. Give what you've got. That's what it's all about, because that's what love is!

I guess I better quote the verse I've been Ranting about. Matthew 7:12, "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets." All of the Law of Moses and everything that the prophets preached and prophesied wrapped up in one "Golden Rule." Treat people how you want to be treated. If you want people to be nice to you... be nice to people. But don't do it because you're trying to GET them to be nice to you. Because if you're trying to get... that's not love. Love is giving. Period. Trying to get something from someone has nothing to do with love. At all. Ever. So don't think, "If I scratch his back he'll scratch mine." No. That's not what it's about. Instead think, "If he's itchy... I got his back." Don't worry about yourself. Don't worry about getting. God has YOUR back. So you're covered. And because you're covered... you can cover people. Receiving and releasing. As we are loved, so we ought to love. Simple. So we don't need to worry about all of the six hundred and some odd laws that the people of Israel spun out of the Ten Commandments. We don't even have to worry about the Ten Commandments, to be honest. Because, unless you're Jewish, the Jewish Law was never given to you in the first place. What we need to be concerned with--not worried about--is love. If we just love each other, everything else will take care of itself. It's all about love. That's the Divine Order of things. Love first, second, last, and always. If you're loving people, you surely won't be breaking the Law anyway. And I think that was Jesus' point. Look at the NEW Commandment for the New Man: "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another" (John 13:34). Receive and release the love of God. Let God love you and love Him back by loving people. That's it. That's what God wants from us. Because that's what God wants FOR us. He IS love. What else would He want? What else COULD He want? The heart is concerned with love. Only. Always. God lives in our heart. He IS our heart. His heart beats with love in our chests. So when we do unto others... it has to be love. That's what we want. That's the desire of our heart. And that's what we have. Because that's what God has given us. And that's not just what we have... that's who we are. You are what you eat, right? The bread and the wine. The Lamb and the living water. Receiving what God has for us. Who God is IN us. And then releasing it. Letting what's inside come out. By knowing and believing that it's in there. By filling oureslves to overflowing with what we've already been filled with. We want to be loved. That's the bottom line. That's what everybody wants. So in order to treat others as we would like to be treated... it's love. Just love. You want to be loved. So love people. Feeling love is about giving it, not trying to get it. If you're always on the hunt for what you think you haven't got then you'll miss out on what you have got. But if you give what you've got you'll be able to experience it in a very real way.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That's the Golden Rule. But when we follow that rule, we have to make sure that we're doing unto others as THEY would have us do unto them. Not trying to push what WE want on people, but simply seeing a need and meeting it in the way that THEY need it met. Doing unto others as they need done unto them. Because treating people the way we want to be treated is just about general kindness. We want people to treat us kindly. So we need to be the change that we want to see in the world. It's not about, "I want someone to give me something... so I guess if I give them something..." No. Love is never about getting. Because love IS giving. If you're "loving" someone in order to get something from them... that's not love at all. We don't do unto others in order to get from them. We do unto others because God has done unto us. Look at 1 John 4:11, "Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another." Receiving and releasing the love of God. That's how we live this abundant, everlasting, eternal, Resurrection Life of love that we have been given. Not by trying to get it--we already have it--but by giving it away. By sharing it. By filling ourselves to overflowing with the love that God loves us with. Letting God love the hell out of us and then loving the hell out of each other! Letting God love us and then loving Him back by loving the people in our lives. Whatever we do to the least of them we do to Him, right? How we interact with people is how we interact with God. Because God lives in people. So it's all about love. We want to be loved. So we ought to love. Because the best way to feel love is to love people. It's not in the getting. It's in the giving. Because love IS giving. I'm just gonna keep saying it. Love is giving. Doing unto others as we would have them do unto us, in a word, means loving people. And loving people takes a bit of wisdom. You have to know someone in order to really love them. When my wonderful wife Amanda brings me home food without even asking me what I want... it's because she's knows me. She knows what I'm about. We have that relationship. That connection. She doesn't get me the food that SHE would want to eat. She gets me the food that she knows I want to eat. Little things like that that are really big things. Because humans want to be known. We want to be understood and accepted. And as hard as it is for people to look past themselves, that's a rare thing. When you find it, you don't want to give it up. It's just so... nice. To know and to be known. To have that bond. That connection. That relationship. Where you care about someone and they are about you. Where you can stand back to back and face everything that comes from every direction. So when you're thinking about doing unto others as you would have them do unto you... stop thinking about yourself. If you want people to think about you... you have to think about them. Put others first. Don't think less of yourself... just think of yourself less. Don't worry about what you can get. Think about what you can give. That's what makes this life worth living. A life of service. A life of love. Living for others. Giving what you've got to others. Loving other!

We've all heard the golden rule, right? Do unto other as you would have them do unto you. But for the next few days I want to kind of focus in on what I believe this really means. Because it doesn't mean "treat people how you want to be treated" in a specific sense. It doesn't mean, "I would really like someone to give me some chocolate--because I like chocolate--so I'm going to give someone some chocolate." Because, believe it or not, not everybody likes chocolate. And while chocolate might be the answer to MY problems, it isn't the answer to EVERY problem for EVERYBODY. So we need to use a little bit of common sense when we're dealing with people. A little bit of wisdom. Because I believe the golden rule is a very general idea. Treat people kindly because that's how you would like to be treated. But then we have to figure out what they would consider kind. I don't really like to talk all that much. I get my words out through my fingers onto a computer screen or a piece of paper. I communicate better through a text message conversation than a phone call. So if you're someone who loves to talk... calling me up isn't "following the golden rule." That's doing for me what you want someone to do for you, but almost in a selfish sense. Almost in a, "I'm trying to get what I want FROM you," rather than a, "I'm doing this FOR you" kind of way. So we need to be able to see past ourselves. And the only way to do that is to build that relationship with people. If you want to be able to do what someone else wants... you have to KNOW what they want, right? Otherwise you'll just kind of try to force what YOU want on them. And that's no good. That doesn't work. So let me drop my memory verse for today--for this Rant series--and then we'll see. "That they do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to distribute, willing to communicate" (1 Timothy 6:19). Do good. That's what I'm working on here. Do good unto others. Rich in good works... ready to distribute. Blessed... to be a blessing. And willing to communicate. Which doesn't always mean talking. Behavior is communication. A picture is worth a thousand words, right? Actions speak louder than words. Preach the gospel at all times, and if you have to... use words. I think being there for someone is a lot more powerful sometimes than talk talk talking things to death. Now, having said that, some people need to talk. That's ok. I'm not saying it's wrong just because it's different. But we have to communicate with each other, build that relationship, that connection, so that we can get to the place where we understand what someone needs. See a need and meet it. That's how we want to be treated. We want someone to see OUR need and meet it. So don't think, "I like chocolate. I wish someone would give me some. I'm going to give chocolate as my way of expressing love." Sometimes, with some people, that might work. But people give and receive love in different ways. The point is to be able to meet people on THEIR level. See THEIR need and meet it in a way that is helpful to THEM. Do unto others. Yes. But do GOOD unto others. Put yourself aside and do what THEY need you to do. Give what THEY need to receive. That's love. Sacrifical, agape, selfless... love!

To end this Rant series I want to link two memory verses together. Psalm 27:9, "Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation." The cry of man's heart. Stay with me. Don't leave me. I know I messed up, but I still need you. And then we move to the New Covenant. This side of the cross. After the work was finished. Hebrews 13:5, "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Stop trying to get what you (think you) haven't got, and start understanding what you have got! We don't have to beg and plead for God to stay with us... He has swon to never leave us nor forsake us. As much as we think we are clinging to Him for dear life--and it's ok to do that. There's nobody better TO cling to--He is holding on to us. I heard one preacher describe God as a stalker. No matter what we do, He's never giving up on us. That's love, man. We literally nailed Him to a cross. Killed Him in cold blood. And He cried out, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." He didn't want to punish us. He wanted to forgive us. He wanted to bring us out of death and into life. HIS life. The abundant, everlasting, eternal, Resurrection Life of love that is the gift of God. Not a gift that we need... but a gift that we already have. A gift that we've been given. A gift that we simply need to receive and release. Receive by releasing. Release by receiving. God has answered the cry of our heart. He has taken up abode in us. He dwells in us. LOVE dwells in us. And that means love can come out of us. What's inside always comes out. Or, I should say, what we BELIEVE is inside always comes out. What we fill ourselves up to overflowing with will always manifest in our lives. So instead of chasing something, we need to be still and know that HE is God. That God is love. That love will never leave us nor forsake us. We can hold on to the truth instead of grasping at straws. We can bulid on that foundation of love. It is the only foundation that cannot be shaken. When we stand on the Rock of love, God (LOVE) keeps us from falling. So if we're going to hold on to anything, it ought to be the very thing that is holding on to us. Letting love guide the way in our lives. Letting go and letting God. Trusting Him when He says He will never leave nor forsake us. Trusting that He will hold on to us and never let us go. You can't give what you don't have, right? So instead of trying to somehow love your way into love... we love because He first loved us. We love God back by loving each other with the love that He first loved us with. If you're going to hold on to anything... hold on to love. By giving it away. Not by hoarding it. Love is giving. You can give without loving, but you can't love without giving. So hold on by letting go. By trusting that God will NEVER let you go. Give what you've got and don't worry about any of the rest of it. Do your part and be ok with that. Hold on to love by giving it away!

In this world we will have tribulation. That's just the nature of the world. Stuff happens, to paraphrase Forrest Gump. The trick is to know the truth. The ultimate truth of the universe. That God is love and He loves you. That He--through His love--can keep you from falling. Can carry you through. Look at 1 Timothy 6:19, "Laying up in store for themselves a good foundation against the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life." Having that foundation is so key. Knowing and believing that no matter what happens... God's got our back. He is in control. Remember when the storm was raging and Jesus was down in the boat sleeping peacefully? He wasn't worried about the tribulation. He woke up, spoke a word, and that was that. "Peace. Be still." In other words, the best (only?) way to calm the storm is by injecting love into it. Because that's who Jesus is. God in the flesh. Love in a body. God in OUR flesh. Love in OUR body. And speaking that Word (which is Jesus, which is love) lets what is inside come out! How do we hold on to the love that God has given us? By giving it away! How do we experience and enjoy the gift we've been given? By giving it away! By paying it forward. By sharing it. Love is giving. God so loved the world that He GAVE His only begotten Son. You can give without loving but you can't love without giving. Because love IS giving. So you hold on by letting go. Letting God. Laying up that good foundation in store for ourselves against the times to come simply means filling ourselves to overflowing with what we've been filled with. Letting God love us so much that we have an abundance of love inside that is just bursting at the seams to come out. And then letting it out. Letting God love us and then loving Him back by loving each other. That's the Divine Order of things. Understanding that it's not about us holding on to God as much as it is about us understanding that God is holding on to us! Jesus had His hands outstretched on the cross, right? Inviting us in. Welcoming us in. Like the prodigal son whose father ran to meet him because daddy was so happy that his son had come home. So even if you do--in the Adam and Eve hiding from God's presence sense-- "let go" of God and try to do it yourself... you're never disqualified from coming back home. THEY say you can never go home again. But God says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." When you understand that home is not just a physical place, but it is the loving arms of your heavenly Father, that's when you can be at home no matter where you are or what's going on. That's when you can live the life you were created to live. And sometimes it does take letting go. Letting go of the lies that hold us back. Laying aside the weight and the sin (unbelief) that so easily besetts us. Understanding that all things ARE under our feet. We don't need to fight and struggle and overcome because Jesus already overcame. We can be of good cheer in the midst of our trials and tribulations. Because we know that all things work together for good! Because we know that we have a Comforter living inside of us, teaching us how to live. Teaching us how to love by teaching us how we are loved. Because to live is to love and to love is to live. They aren't just connected, they are the same thing. You can't do one without the other and you can't have one without the other. So lay up that foundation. Build it strong. The foundation of love. The Rock that will not be shaken. And then when the storm comes--and it will, it always does--YOU won't be shaken. You'll be able to stand firm. You'll be able to weather the storm. You'll be able to get through what you're going through and make it to the other side. And you'll learn and grow along the way. You'll be able to then help others get through what you've gone through. You'll be able to love with the love that you are loved with!

Life is hard. It just is. Look at the middle part of John 16:33, "...In the world ye shall have tribulation..." I've always said the hardest part of living is just that: Living. Showing up. Holding on. Not giving up. We always say, "Keep on keeping on, cuz what's the alternative? Giving up? Nah." So now look at all of John 16:33, "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." The point is how we DEAL with the tribulation. When Peter was walking on water with Jesus, he took his eyes OFF of Jesus and started to focus on the storm... and he immediately began to sink and drown. Then this happened, "Jesus  didn't hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, "Faint-heart, what got into you?"" (Matthew 14:31 MSG). Did you catch that? JESUS grabbed PETER. It is more important for us to understand that He is holding on to us than for us to think that we have to be holding on to Him. In our weakness His strength is made perfect. He's not depending on us to hold on to Him. Because whether we are or aren't... He's holding on to us. He overcame the world so that we could be overcomers. And that doesn't mean we CAN overcome. It means, in Him, we HAVE overcome. We don't have to conquer in order to be of good cheer. We can be of good cheer because we are MORE than conquerors. And the best picture of this I've ever heard was this: A boxer is a conqueror. He goes into the ring and fights the fight. His wife is more than a conqueror. Because she gets to enjoy the fruit of his labor. She gets all the reward without stepping foot in the ring. Being wed to the boxer doesn't give her the ability to fight. It keeps her from needing to. We don't need to try to overcome every little thing. Jesus asked, "What got into you?" That's the key. We need to get to the place where no matter what we're going through... we don't let it go through us. No matter what we're in, we don't have to let it get into us. We can keep our eyes on Jesus no matter how bad the storm is. And He can carry us through. Keep us from falling. Because He is holding on to us. Holding us up. LOVE is holding us up. And, yes, sometimes that means other people. But sometimes that means strengthening yourself in the Lord. Just you and Him. Letting GOD love you. And letting that be enough. Because sometimes there aren't other people around when you need them. You can't always depend on people. But you can always depend on God. In the world you'll have tribulation. You just will. Life's tough. But in HIM you have peace. In Him you can be of good cheer. You can grin and bear it. You can get through what you're going through and still be of good cheer. You can let things be what they are and still enjoy the journey. Will everything always be exactly the way you want it to be? Of course not. But you don't have to let that wreck you. You can be confident that things WILL be how they're SUPPOSED to be. That all things work together for the good. That God has a plan for you, and that HE is the One working to make that plan come to be. So just trust in Him. Trust in love. Hold on to Him, even as He's holding on to you. Hold on to love even as love is holding on to you!

We think we are holding on to God... but really God is holding on to us. And He will never let us go. So we can rest assured that no matter what we have to go through... we WILL get through it. Praise be to the Lord who can (and will, and does) keep us from falling. Guys. We don't have to keep falling down and struggling back to our feet. We can break the cycle. We can let JESUS break the cycle. HE holds us up. HE keeps us from falling. And our part--our only part--is simply to be grateful for who He is and what He's done for us. To live with an attitude of gratitude. To receive and release what we've been given. To experience and enjoy what we've been given by sharing it. By giving it away. Yesterday I quoted Hebrews 6:3. Today I want to really hone in on the phrase "...if we hold fast the confidence and the rejoicing..." Because that's what it means to hold on to love. Have confidence in it. Rejoice in it. Don't chase it. Don't try to get it. But know and believe that you have it. Again: Receive it and release it. Don't try to get it. Know that you have it. Look at 1 Timothy 6:12, "Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses." That's the ONLY battle that we're supposed to fight on this side of the cross. Because Jesus--on the cross--fought and won the war to end all wars. That means there are no more wars. The only thing we have to do is lay hold of the gift we've already been given. Not getting. Receiving what we've already got. Receiving and releasing. Receiving BY releasing. Releasing by receiving. We hold on to God's love... by letting it go. By giving it away. With confidence and joy. There is no fear in love, because perfect love casts out fear. So we don't have to be afraid to lose what we've got. We're connected to the unlimited source. Literally the God who IS love. He lives in us. He has filled us up with Himself. And all we need to do is fill ourselves up to overflowing with what we've been filled with. All we need to do is let God love us, and then love Him back by loving the people that we come into contact with. Lay hold of the gift of eternal life that we have already been given. By fighting the good fight of FAITH. By knowing it and believing it. Faith comes from hearing and hearing from the Word of God--which is Jesus, which is love. When you hear that still, small voice of God deep inside your heart saying "I love you, I love you, I love you" with every beat of His heart in your chest... that's where faith comes from. It doesn't come from wanting something. Faith is the substance of things hoped for. The substance. When your desire is manifested. When God shows His love to you. Proves His love to you. That's when you can have faith in it. When you know that it's real. So the way we hold on to God is by knowing and believing that He is holding on to us. The way we lay hold of the gift that we've already been given is by fighting the good fight of faith. Letting God love us, knowing and believing that He loves us, and loving Him back by loving each other! That's what we hold on to. That's what is holding on to us. LOVE!

There's a saying that I like quite a bit that goes, "If you're at the end of your rope... tie a knot in it and hang on!" Another one says, "If you go down swinging, you might not go down at all." See the theme? Tough times don't last, but tough people do. And, as we're going to see in this Rant series, it's not my might, not by power, but by the Spirit of God! We think we're holding on to Him for dear life, but really He's holding onto us. He's holding us up! One of my favorite verses, "Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy" (Jude 1:24). He can, and will, keep you from falling. If you let Him. If you trust Him. If you STOP trying to hold on so hard, and just let go and let God. You can't control everything. You just can't. Most of the time it's more than enough to try to control ourselves--even though self-control IS a fruit of the Spirit. We have to get to the place where we trust God--LOVE--enough to let things be what they're going to be. And in that way we can find peace. Too much running around trying to force things to be exactly how we think they should be is too much. Look at Hebrews 3:6, my key verse for this Rant series, "But Christ as a son over his own house; whose house are we, if we hold fast the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope firm unto the end." He's the boss of His house. And we are His house. When we stop trying to overrule everything--man, I've never met people more willing to fight than "church folk"--we can start to enjoy some things. We can start to enjoy the journey. Because it's not the destination as much as it is the journey. If you're always just looking to the future and hoping things will get magically get better... well... "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life" (Proverbs 13:12). Always wanting something but never getting it is horrible. Awful. Painful. So I think one of the most important things to do is to want the right things. When the desire comes, it's a tree of life. Because the true desire of our heart IS the Tree of Life. What else could the heart desire but love? The heart is not interested in anything but love. Not concerned with anything but love. It's all about love. Love is what makes the world go 'round. Love is what makes life worth living. Love is what makes life possible to live. So if you're going to hold on to anything... hold on to love. And know, deep down inside, that love is holding on to you. Love will never let you go. Love never fails, because love endures. It doesn't matter what you're going through. Love will carry you through it. Love will keep you from falling. But you can't make love be something it's not. Love doesn't demand its own way. Love just loves. We can't make people be something they're not. We can just love them. Trust in love. Even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard. Hold fast to the confidence and the rejoicing. That's so important. So key. Attitude of gratitude. But we'll get into all that. For today... you can hold onto love... because love is holding on to you!

When you're counting the cost it's important to understand that we are called to live out of our abundance. Jesus came that we might have life, and have it more abundantly. So we don't have to kill ourselevs in order to lay our lives down, if I can say it that way. If you have two coats, and someone has none... that's an easy fix. That's easy math. But I don't think your heavenly Father wants you to give away your only coat and then freeze to death. Like the example I always use of the airplane. They tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first, right? Because you can't help anybody if you're lying on the floor unconscious. So give it all you've got, yes. But understand that you are BLESSED to be a blessing. God doesn't require anything from you that He hasn't already provided for you. Genesis 12:2 says, "And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing." God will bless us, and we will be a blessing. It's that simple. So the cost... the cost is everything. Let's be clear. Love is giving everything you have and everything you are. But when you give it, you're not losing it. You're sharing it. Experiencing it in the act of giving it. So that cost is a small price to pay. Nothing that is given in love is ever lost. Because love never fails. Because love endures. It might not get you the result you think it should, and it might not get you any result right away. But a farmer doesn't dig up a seed immediately after planting it. He knows that seeds take time to grow and mature. He knows that there are seasons for planting and seasons for reaping. So don't be impatient. People move at their own pace. It doesn't have to be the same as your pace. Sometimes slow and steady wins the race. And, anyway, it's not your responsibility to make the seed bring forth fruit. It's your responsibility to plant the seed. Some plant, some water, but it is God that gets the harvest, right? Just do your part. Give what you've got to those that you come into contact with. And don't worry about what they do with what you give them. That's not on you. That's between them and God. So just give what you've got. By knowing what you've got. Count the cost. And understand that it's a small price to pay. If I give you my three T's (Time, Talent, Treasure) then I can't be selfish. If I give it to you then I won't have it for me. But if I'm living out of my abundance I know that I don't NEED it for me. Sometimes having too much stuff can weigh you down. Sometimes you need to unburden yourself. To live simply. Free and easy. It's ok to have stuff... as long as your stuff doesn't have you. As long as you are using what you've been blessed with... to be a blessing. Pay it forward. Receive it and release it. Let it flow through you. As one preacher likes to say, "You are the spout where the glory comes out." God has filled us up. All we have to do is fill ourselves to overflowing with what we've already been filled with. Fill ourselves up by letting God love us, and then loving Him back by loving each other with that same love. Jesus paid it all. And now we can do the same. He laid His life down for us, we can lay our lives down for each other!