Boundaries are healthy. And that's important, because your health is important. Which means boundaries are important. Listen. I'm going to say this as clearly as I can: You can't do everything. And that's ok. Because you're not supposed to do everything. Look at 1 Corinthians 3:6-7, "I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase." You have to stop looking at yourself so much--which I know might be weird in a Rant series aimed at self-care, but stick with me. You have to stop taking everything on. You have to stop trying to do it all. We are all in this together. We are all ONE body of Christ. So as long as I do my part--do what I can do, what I've been called and qualified to do--and you do your part... then it'll all get done. To the glory of God. And, really, that's what it's all about. Because God is love. To the glory of God is to the glory of love. I do what I do because it's in my heart to do it. That's my motivation. And when we come at things from that place... listen. When you're doing what you're doing out of love... love never fails. So I might not be a singer or a dancer. But I've made a fool out of myself before. I've done things I'm not comfortable doing. FOR other people. I believe that when we get out of our lane we might be robbing someone else of the chance to flow in their destiny. But I don't want you to think you shouldn't do things just because you don't want to. I want you to start thinking about how amazing it is to WANT to do things for people! Putting others first. But also knowing your limits. It's a balance. A very important balance. Because people WILL take advantage of you. If they know you're willing (even against your will, if that makes any sense) to do something... then, well, it's like the book about the mouse and the cookie. If you give a mouse a cookie, he's gonna want a glass of milk. If you show people that you're willing to bend over backwards for them, some of them might try to find out how low you can go. That's when--and why--you need to be able to say no. You don't have to plant, water, AND bring the increase. Being a good fried, or a good neighbor, or whatever you want to say, don't mean letting people steamroll you or walk all over you. It means doing what you can do and letting that be enough. Knowing when to say when. Knowing that if you over-extend yourself you won't be good to anybody. Including yourself. So seeing a need that you can meet is about the best way you can love someone. But trying to meet a need that you can't meet is a receipe for disaster. Sometimes trying too much, or too hard, will hurt rather than help. Even though you have good intentions. Good intentions need to be hand in hand with wisdom. Just because YOU think something is best for someone doesn't mean it IS. And the more you try to "fix" things (that might not necessarily be broken) the more of a mess you might make. So set boundaries. Both for yourself and for others. Do what you can do. Say yes when you can. But don't take it all on yourself. If you plant a seed, let that be good enough. Let someone else water it. And let God (LOVE) bring the increase!

You can't do everything. And that's ok. You're not supposed to do everything. You can't reach everyone. And that's ok. You're not supposed to reach everyone. The secret of life is staying in your lane. Being who you are and doing what you can do. Now let me say this and then I'll qualify it, try to explain it. There's a difference between stretching yourself and overreaching. Look at Luke 5:3-4, "And he entered into one of the ships, which was Simon's and prayed him that he would thrust out a little from the land. And he sat down, and taught the people out of the ship. Now when he had left speaking, he said unto Simon, Launch out into the deep, and let down your nets for a draught." When Jesus is in your boat, He will always prompt you to thrust out a little. To launch out into the deep. I always preach and Rant about comprehending the height and length and depth and breadth of God's love. And we can only comprehend it... by doing it. By loving as big as we can. That's stretching yourself. You have to go out on a limb if you want to get the fruit, because that's where the fruit IS. But, having said that, if you're trying to go outside of your lane it doesn't matter how far you "stretch." If it's not for you... it's not for you. That's as simple as I can make it. I used the example yesterday of myself not being a singer/dancer. I know that's not for me. No matter how hard I try to be something I'm not, I'll never be able to. How could you be something you're not? How can you give something you haven't got? You can't. So instead of trying to be someone you're not... just be the best YOU that you can be. Know your boundaries. Know your limits. Know what YOU'RE about. And the best way--probably the only way--to do that is by following your heart. Doing those things that bring you peace and joy. Doing what you do because it's in your heart to do it. Letting your heart lead you and guide you. Doing everything you do to the best of your ability, but making sure that the things you choose to do are things you ought to be doing. You can wear yourself slap out by trying to do things you aren't called or qualified to do. Stressing out about what you're not instead of embracing what--and who--you are. A big part of that comes from setting boundaries. Refusing to let people take advantage of you or walk all over you. Knowing when to say when. Knowing that it's ok to say no. Doing what you can do... always... but knowing the difference between what you CAN do and what you CAN'T do. What you SHOULD do, and what you probably shouldn't. I know we want to be there for people no matter what. I do. I know we want to do whatever we can do to help. I do. But realistically we can only do what we can do. So do what you can. Give it all you've got. Love big and hard and high and deep. Give it all you've got... but let that be enough. Because that's ALL you can do. And it'll either be enough, or it won't. If it's enough, then you've found the people the belong in your life. And if everything you've got ISN'T enough for someone... then you've found that out too. It's ok to do what you can do and then shrug your shoulders. To set boundaries for people, and for yourself!

Boundaries are ok. More than ok. They are necessary. Healthy. Because people WILL take advantage of you, if you let them. One of the truest things I've ever found in this life is that what you allow is what will continue. People are selfish. They will try to get whatever they can for themselves. From you. And, listen, I'm not saying we shouldn't give what we've got. That's what love is. Love is giving. Giving everything you have and everything you are. What I'm saying is, once you've given what you've got... that has to be enough. Because you can only give what you've got. You can't give more than you've got. How could you? But we wear ourselves slap out trying to do too much. Over-extending ourselves. Burning out because we're trying to shine too brightly. So while yesterday I think I kind of focused a little bit on toxic, abusive people that don't have a place in our lives, today I want to focus on knowing our limits. Knowing our boundaries so we don't get in over our heads. It's ok to say "no" to people. More than ok. Necessary. Healthy. Because while I believe there is a lot to be said about ministering out of our hurt or our pain--once you've been through something you can help other people through the same thing, or similar things--but at the same time... when you're on an airplane they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first before you try to help anybody else put theirs on. Because if you're passed out on the floor... you aren't going to be any good to anyone. Self-care is important. And I'm not saying that you should throw other people over because it's more convenient for you to say no to them. I'm saying there are things I can do and things I can't do. Things I'm good at and things I'm not. And when I try to do the things I can't do, the things I'm not goood at--even if my heart is in the right place and I'm trying to do something good--I always tend to do more hurting than helping. Because not everything is for me. Not everything is for me to do. Let me give you an example: I have a truck. So people hit me up when they need to haul something. And I always say yes. Because that's something I can do. Something I've positioned myself to do (by buying a truck). But I can't sing or dance. So if someone asked me to come and perform in that way... I'd probably pass. I know my limits. I know what I'm capable of... and what I'm not. I'll always do what I can do. But we need to get out of the habit of trying to do things that we can't do. Let someone else pick up the slack. There might be someone out there just champing at the bit to sing and dance. So if I do it--when I'm neither qualified nor inclined to do it--I'm robbing them of a chance to share their gifts. By not staying in my lane I force people out of theirs too. Disaster strikes, as Logan and I would say. So just stay in your lane. Do what you can do. And stop trying to do what you can't do. What you're not qualified or called to do. Know your limits and don't exceed them. Know your boundaries and stay inside them!

It's ok to have boundaries. In fact, it is necessary to have boundaries. Look at Matthew 5:38-39, "Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." A pretty common idea in religious circles, right? Turning the other cheek. But I feel like, to some degree, we've used that as an excuse to let people keep slapping us. When, in fact, that is just an admonition to not retaliate. To stop the idea of "an eye for an eye." Rather than fighting back, just be peaceful. But add this to that: "If they welcome you, be gentle in your conversation. If they don't welcome you, quietly withdraw. Don't make a scene. Shrug your shoulders and be on your way" (Matthew 10:13-14 MSG). I don't believe--and I never have, and I never will--that you should stand there and let someone keep slapping you. I don't think God wants us to put ourselves, or keep ourselves, in a bad situation. What father would want to see his child get abused? What the Bible talks about is not retaliating. Not fighting back. Shrugging your shoulders and moving on down the road. We are called to love everybody. That's what love is. Love is unconditional, and love is universal. But some people you have to love from a distance. Because some people are not good for you. Some people will take advantage of your love for them. They will take, take, take and only give you the worst of themselves. Love is giving the best of yourself. Giving everything you have and everything you are. But once you've given it all you've got... that's either enough, or it's not. You can't make people accept you. You can't make people pick up what you're laying down. Some people just won't. And that's ok. If you can't reach someone... then it's up to someone else to reach them. You can't do it all. And we have these weird soul ties to people... but we don't have to. We don't have to let people continue to abuse us. That's not ok. It IS ok to set boundaries and limits on what we're willing to accept. And I'm not talking about trying to change people. I believe only the Holy Spirit can change people--by showing people who they really are. But if they're not ready, willing, or able to listen to the Holy Spirit... chances are they won't listen to you. They might laugh in your face. And if they do, well, you've done what you can do by giving it your all. How could you ever possibly give more than that? Either it's enough... or it's not. And either way you've done your part. Either way you've given it what you got. Because even if you give the best of yourself... that doesn't mean people will accept it. You need to be able to shrug your shoulders and walk away from a bad situation. Self-care is important. Letting people wreck you is unhealthy. And the kind of people that WOULD wreck you... shouldn't have a place in your life. They shouldn't be allowed to be in a position to wreck you. Love people always. But if you're not welcomed... set some boundaries. Shrug your shoulders and walk away. Let people be who they are, but don't let them take you down with them!

I know I say this a lot, "Seeing is believing." But today I want to end this Rant series with another idea, "Their eyes were blinded, their hearts were hardened, So that they wouldn't see with their eyes and perceive with their hearts, And turn to me, God, so I could heal them" (John 14:20 MSG). Seeing with our eyes... and perceiving with our hearts! That's where true perception comes from. It is the light in me seeking out the light in you. That's where our connection is made. It's not about surface stuff--what people look like, or the things that they like. I love the Detroit Red Wings. But not everybody does. That doesn't mean I can only connect with other Wings fans. Sure, it's an easy connection WITH those other Wings fans, but it certainly doesn't need to disqualify those who have different likes and hobbies. I can even fellowship with people that don't like hockey at all. Truly. Because whether or not you like the Red Wings doesn't really define you. Your heart defines you. That's who you really are. The inner man. The hidden man of the heart. And that's what we need to start looking at--perceiving--in each other. "But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7). God looks at the heart. And God has given us HIS heart. His heart beating with love in our chests. That's how--and why--we CAN connect with each other. The deep calling out to the deep. Love calling out to love. We don't have to let things come between us. We can perceive what is truly important, and we can let those things bring us together. We can let LOVE--the only, or at least the most, important thing--connect us. Perception is all about "seeing" things as they truly are. And you can only do that with your heart. Your heart knows. That's why I always tell people to follow their heart. To let love guide the way. Love never fails. So if love is guiding your way, you can't go wrong. Now, I'm not saying you'll always get exactly what you want. Because love is giving, not getting. Love doesn't demand its (HIS) own way. It's not about getting anything. It's about giving what you've got. But I am saying you'll always have what you need. I have no lack because my God has no lack. When I see that--with my doves' eyes of the Holy Spirit--and perceive that (with my heart), that's when I can experience that. By giving it away. By sharing it. Letting what's inside come out (naturally) by knowing and believing that it's in there. That HE'S in there. That LOVE is in there. Our perception has to come through the lens of love. Rose colored glasses, if I can say it that way. We need to see things cross-eyed; through the finished work of the cross. When we see it, we be it. When we know what's in our heart, it can come out. Receiving and releasing the love of God is the key to this whole deal. Letting God love us, and loving each other with that same love!

I looked up the word "perceived" in the King James version of the Bible, and almost every time it occurred it was about someone perceiving something... let's say... bad. A lot of times it was Jesus perceiving people's selfish thoughts. But then there's this one: "And when James, Cephas, and John, who seemed to be pillars, perceived the grace that was given unto me, they gave to me and Barnabas the right hands of fellowship; that we should go unto the heathen, and they unto the circumcision" (Galatians 2:9). Now here's a tiny little bit of back story. The circumcision was Jews who were converting to Christianity. And there was a lot of resistance to this new Way. Those who were circumcised were still having trouble associating with those who weren't. Even to the point of trying to circumcise people. Force their views on people. But what I like about this is--once James, Cephas, and John saw (or perceived) the grace in Paul and Barnabas, they were able to work together. Separately. Because even though they had different views and different audiences, they were clearly on the same side. I think that's important. Because we don't--and probably realistically can't--agree on everything. Having your own point of view is ok. It's not a bad thing. It's a good thing. We can disagree and still fellowship. And if we just plain, straight, can't fellowship? Then we can shrug our shoulders and move on. The point I think I'm trying to make, in my usual wander around and hope it comes together way, is that we can perceive both good things AND bad things. It doesn't always have to be about something negative. In fact, it SHOULD be about the positive much more often that it should be about the negative. If we could stop looking for negative, we would stop finding it so often. I truly believe that you can find what you're looking for. Usually if it's there or not. We create what we're looking for. By putting the energy of our focus into it. So why not use that power to look for, and find, love? Why not perceive the good things in people? Instead of a sin hunt--telling people what's wrong with them--why not go on a righteousness hunt and tell people what's right with them? We had this joke once upon a time where I used to work where this dude would always talk about how his hand could either hurt or heal someone. Depending on how he felt at the time. But there's a lot of truth to that. We can give people the right hand of fellowship, even if we're agreeing to go our separate ways. Not everybody is for everybody. I'm not for everybody. I get that. But that doesn't mean I have to attack those people that I'm not for, either. We can get along, or we can stay away from each other. It's not that hard. But to end this Rant tonight I just want to say it one more time: When you're focusing on your perception, it doesn't always have to be negative. You can perceive positive things. And remember, what you see is what you be. Your perception is what defines your life--whether you perceive the lie of the world or the Word (the truth, Jesus, love) of God!

I think, to some degree, all of us have a perception problem. Not too long ago I Ranted about the blind spot. About how we all have things in our lives--be it people, or behavior, what have you--that we don't see correctly, or judge correctly. And don't get me started about how we're not "supposed" to judge. We judge things all day every day. Jesus didn't tell us not to judge. He told us to be careful HOW we judge. To not judge by appearance, but to judge by righteous judgment. But I digress. Today I want to talk about Mark 8:15-17. "And he charged them, saying, Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, and of the leaven of Herod. And they reasoned among themselves, saying, It is because we have no bread. And when Jesus knew it, he saith unto them, Why reason ye, because ye have no bread? perceive ye not yet, neither understand? have ye your heart hardened?" Jesus was talking about something. But, as usual, His disciples didn't get it. Jesus's hand picked group never had any idea what He was talking about. They couldn't pick up what He was laying down. Not because they had necessarily hardened their hearts, but because their perception was off. They were focused on the wrong thing. Jesus was talking about leaven, in the sense of doctrine. In the sense of what the Pharisees and Herod were all about. And the best the disciples could come up with was, "He's talking about bread because we don't have any." Turning the spotlight on themselves and what they lacked. That's what we do a lot of the time. We take things that aren't about us and we make it about us. And we make it about ourselves in the worst way possible. We don't listen to understand. We listen to respond. Like we're just waiting for our turn to talk about ourselves. We have a perception problem. We see things through the lens of our own understanding. It's so hard to see past ourselves. To truly just focus on others. But it's so important to learn how to do that. And, as always, we learn how to love by learning how God loves us. We learn how to see past ourselves, to truly see other people, by learning how God sees us. When you know that your God has supplied all your need, according to His riches in glory, then you don't need to focus on your need. Because it's taken care of. It's covered. YOU'RE covered. I have no lack because my God has no lack. So I don't need to make everything about me. If you're telling me something, I can listen to it in the manner and measure that YOU mean it. I can get out of my own head and pick up what you're laying down. I think it's called empathy--seeing things from someone else's point of view. And it's so important. How we perceive things--how we perceive ourselves and each other--is so vitally important. Because we're all connected. We're all in this together. We can't afford to be selfish or self-centered. There's a more excellent way. And His name is Jesus. His name is love. When we focus on Him we get out of ourselves and into each other. That's connection. Relationship. Love!

How you perceive things is vitally important. Because even if something is true, if you don't see it, or know it, or believe it to be true... then it's not true FOR YOU. Now don't get me wrong--the truth is the truth. Whether you know it or not. Whether you believe it or not. But I think the best way to describe it is like this: Say you're in a jail cell. And the door is closed. Now, if you perceive the door to be locked, you might just sit there and pout about it. Because you "know" you can't get out through a locked door. The truth is, Jesus unlocked that door. The truth is, we can walk out of that jail cell any old time we choose. But not unless and until we perceive things correctly. Not until we understand what Jesus has done in us, and through us, and as us. The truth HAS made us free and set us free. But it is the truth we KNOW that allows us to enjoy and experience that freedom. One of the main reasons that God gave the people of Israel the Ten Commandments was to teach them how to live. They had been slaves for like 400 years. They knew how to be slaves. And then, all of a sudden, they were free. They could literally do anything they wanted to do. And that was quite the culture shock. So God set down some guidelines. Because, as Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 10:23, "All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not." Basically, "I can do anything, but that doesn't mean I should." As my grandpa always says, "You can do anything you want, as long as you're willing to pay the consequences." So while freedom CAN be abused, it is still better than the alternative. And I'm not saying you should put yourself under the Law. The only way to fall from grace is to put yourself under the Law. "Sinning" doesn't make you fall from grace. Where sin abounds grace much more abounds. When we're on a sin hunt our perception is all screwed up. We're focused on the wrong thing. What we need to be on is a righteousness hunt. Instead of telling people what's wrong with them, we ought to be telling people what's right with them. We ought to be edifying people. Building them up instead of tearing them down. But in that regard we need to perceive PEOPLE in the right way. We need to see people's hearts, instead of just their mistakes. Give people grace to grow. And that doesn't mean enabling people, or letting people use and abuse us. But it also means we need to give people time, and space, to figure stuff out. We're all on this journey of learning and growing. We're all in this together, just trying to figure it all out. So if you see people as "enemies," or as "bad," you're closing doors that might not need to be closed. Some doors DO need to be closed. But we need to perceive things correctly. We need to be able to tell the difference between people who legitimately need our help, and people who are just going to take, take, take without ever showing any progress. You can usually find what you're looking for, whether it's there or not. So why not look for the good things in life? Why not look for love in any and every situation? It's all about love!

I used this memory verse in the last Rant series, but I want to spend a few days to dig into it. 1 John 3:16, "Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren." "Perceive" being number 1097 in Strong's Greek Concordance and meaning, "A prolonged form of the primary verb; to "know" (absolutely). Allow, be aware (of), feel, (have) known." What we perceive to be true is what is true... to us. Seeing is believing. A man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument. Knowing something (with head knowledge) is entirely different from KNOWING something (with heart knowledge). Once you've been through something... it's REAL to you. That's why understanding that the finished work of the cross wasn't just done FOR you, it was done AS you. We are crucified with Christ. His death was our death. That's why (and how) we can lay our lives down for each other, just as He laid His life down for us. In a sense, we've already laid our lives down. We let go of that old life of selfishness so that we can stop letting it drag us down. So that we can walk in newness of life. I've never seen someone be more miserable than when they're focused only on themselves. Because when you're trying to get, get, get--and, listen, I understand that when you think you're lacking something that's all you want to do is fill that lack--but when you're trying to get, you can't enjoy what you already have. You rob yourself of the gift you've been given by trying to get what you've already got. By trying to earn something that can't be earned. If you don't see yourself in the finished work--AS the finished work--then you'll always try to keep changing into something you're not. Now, don't get this twisted, I'm not talking about self-improvement. I'm not talking about doing things that are good for you. Of course we should do those things. I should probably do more of those things. I'm talking about trying to be someone we're not--because we don't perceive oureslves correctly. Until we can look in the mirror, and see Jesus, we aren't seeing things right. And when we look in the mirror and see Jesus, we are changed into that image from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18). What you see is what you be. What you believe is real is what is real for you. And, of course, I'm not saying you can "believe" you're a millionaire and then check your bank account. I'm saying you can either believe the lie of the world, or the truth that is God. The truth that is love. Those are your choices. You can either believe that you're not good enough and spend all your time, talent, and treasure trying to work and labor yourself into being good enough... or you can believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You can believe that you are who you are supposed to be... you can embrace yourself... and  you can BE yourself. Being your best you simply means doing what you were meant to do. In love. Through love. With love. Because of love. Seeing is believing. We have a perception problem, but the cure is love. The cure is letting God love us so we can love Him back by loving each other!

It's not about you. I mean, listen, I know that we are each the main character in our own story. I get that. But even though I always say, facetiously, "It's your world and we're just living in it," your story is about more than just you. Think about it. If love is giving, and you can't give without someone to give to, then you can't do it alone. You can't do it by yourself. Love is about connection. Relationship. And, as we know, "...the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone..." (Genesis 2:18). We're all in this together. And we need to understand what that means. It means we need each other. It means you can't love people... without people. I Rant so much about esteeming others higher than ourselves. Putting others first. Laying your life down for your friends--and understanding that your "enemies" are just friends that don't know it yet. Remember the old quote? I think it was Abraham Lincoln. "I destroy my enemies by making them my friends." If you're just trying to always get, get, get from people... that's not a way to build relationship. That's not love. Love is never about getting. Love does not demand its (HIS) own way. Love IS giving. Giving everything you have and everything you are. Laying your life down. And I'm telling you, when the Bible says it is more blessed to give than to receive... it really is more blessed to give than to receive. Some of the happiest times in my life are when I was able to make someone else happy. To give something that they thought they couldn't have. That's the good stuff. That's the real stuff. And I appreciate all the things I've been given. Don't get me wrong. The people in my life who have helped me and supported me along the way... priceless. And think about this: I'm part of THEIR story in which, maybe they feel the same way about helping me that I feel about helping those that I've been able to help. We're all connected. We're all in this together. History is HIS story. And we are all part of His body. Now, let me say this: Some parts of the body don't touch. Your elbow and your nose don't touch each other. That's ok. Because the elbow helps the arm bend when it needs to scratch your nose. Some people are not destined to be in your inner circle. That's ok. I know I'm not for everybody. Nobody is. But I also know that there are people that I am in a unique position to be able to reach in a way that maybe no one else can. So do what you can, and don't worry about what you can't. Stay in your lane. Give it all you've got, and then let that be enough. It either is, or it isn't. And either way, all you've got... is all you've got. So to end this Rant series I just want to say: Love is giving. And you can't give without something to give. And someone to give it to. Knowing what you've got, and using what you've got (in a positive, unselfish way) in order to build relationships is what life is all about. Seeing a need and meeting it. Receiving and releasing the gift of God that we've already been given. The gift of God that IS God. The God who is love. He loves us, we ought to love Him back by loving each other. Because it's not just about you. It's about US.