Acceptable part 4
If you need to change someone in order to love them, then you don't really love THEM at all. You love the idea of who you think they should be. And, tragically, I think this is why so many of us are not happy with ourselves. We have this idea of who we're supposed to be, and yet we never seem to live up to it. We have this idea of what a "good Christian" or even just a "good person" is supposed to be. And when we judge ourselves against this perfect standard we always fall short. We're never good enough. We're never acceptable. And if we don't feel acceptable then we certainly don't feel accepted. I think self-condemnation is the worst kind of condemnation. Because in order to love others we must first love ourselves. We must first know (and believe) that we ARE loved by our heavenly Father. But when we judge ourselves by this impossible standard, and when we think we have to earn Daddy's love... we're setting ourselves up for failure. Listen: You can't earn a gift. And the GIFT of God is eternal life. Eternal life is knowing the Father and the One who He sent. Eternal life is living in the context of Sonship. Living out of the revelation knowledge that we are His beloved Son in whom He is well pleased. Knowing (and believing) that we are loved (accepted) and receiving and releasing that love (and acceptance). Presenting our bodies to the Lord as a living sacrifice and letting Him do whatever He wants to do in us, and through us, and as us. That's how we be transformed--into what we've already been transformed into--and that's how we renew our minds. Not by trying to think Godly thoughts... but by letting God think His own thoughts in us. Not by trying to change, but by seeing the change that took place on the cross. Not by condemning ourselves, "I'm just a sinner," but by understand that He became sin so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him! Not judging according to appearance, but judging righteous judgment. Executing judgment! Not by telling people what to do, but by telling people who they are! Not by trying to get people to change, but by accepting people unconditionally. And listen, I know that kind of acceptance can be hard. Because people are going to do what they're going to do. You really can't stop them. So they might do things that upset you. But on the other hand, that kind of acceptance is freeing. Because people are going to do what they're going to do. And if you aren't trying to change them then you don't need to get upset when they won't change. If you aren't putting a standard on them (that they can't live up to anyway) then you won't be mad when they don't live up to it. Instead of unrealistic expectations... you can have relationship. Instead of being frustrated, you can have peace. You can take people as they are, let them be who they are, and love them just the way they are. And you can treat YOURSELF the same way. You can start to be comfortable in your own skin. Which is so important... because it's the only skin you've got!