Acknowledge Them part 1
This Rant series kind of picks up where the last one left off. Its the idea of meeting people where they're at. And for the next few days I want to focus on what it means to meet people where they're at. Specifically letting people BE where they are. LETTING people be where they are. Allowing people to go through what they go through. Let me say it like this, "Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God" (Romans 15:7). God takes us as we are. Right in the middle of our mess. He makes a message out of our mess. So we need to take each other as we are. I know there's this idea of, like, almost ignoring the bad things that happen in order to "get past them." Get over them. What have you. And there might be something to that. I don't think its good to dwell on things. I think laying aside the sin (unbelief) and the weight that so easily besets us is a good thing. But here's the deal--I can't set aside what YOU'VE been through. That's not fair. And just because I may not have been through what you've been through (or what you're going through), doesn't mean that I can't be sympathetic about it. What I'm trying to say is this: We need to let people acknowledge their feelings. I always tell my kid, "Feel what you feel, but don't let it control you." And we need to acknowledge people as they acknowledge what they're feeling. I can't tell you how frustrating it is when someone blows you off. We have to validate people. Make them feel heard. "That's not an appropriate response." Says who? If you're upset, be upset. That's valid. And don't hold it in either, because the longer you hold stuff in, the more likely it is to explode. The key is to find a healthy way to let it out. I used to shoot free throws in my driveway. Then I got a car. Drove around. Music blaring. You gotta feel what you feel. And you gotta let it out. Sometimes when I'm really upset about something these days (which isn't often, but still) I have to write it down. Express it. Let it out. Acknowledge it. And I know that's hard sometimes. I'm both blessed and cursed with self-awareness. But not everybody is. Sometimes the most people can figure out is that they're in a bad mood. I get that. But if someone's in a bad mood... it's not necessarily your job to "fix it." Sometimes its better to just be there for them. And that's where that connection, that relationship I'm always talking about comes in. Knowing who you're dealing with so you can, well, deal with them. Sometimes the least you can do is the most you can do. "I'm here if you want to talk." And then be there. Whether they want to talk or not. Don't force yourself on them, but make yourself available. Acknowledge that they're going through something. Even if you don't understand it. Let someone who is mad be mad. Let someone who is hurt be hurt. And--this is a big one--don't take it personally if they lash out at you. Hurting people hurt people. Because they can't give what they don't have and they can only give what they do have. What's inside comes out. And that's ok. Let it out. Let people let it out. And then you can figure out what comes next. Then you can move on. Onward and upward. Onward and God-ward!