Acknowledge Them part 3
There's a scene in an Adam Sandler movie--I can't remember which one at the moment, maybe Big Daddy--where someone like yells at him and he says, "You're mad at your dad, not at me. I forgive you!' And here's the thing... there's so much truth there. Because I'm convinced that people are more for themselves than they are against you. That's why I always say, "Don't take it personally, even if it is." You can't give what you don't have. And you can only give what you do have. So if someone lashes out at you... that says more about them than it does about you. Now, I said all that to say this: When someone lashes out at you, you have a choice. You can either smack back... or you can turn the other cheek. You can let people express themselves--even if the only thing they have to express is anger--or you can shut them down by trying to shut them up. You can help or hurt. You can acknowledge and validate people... or you can, in a sense, kick them while they're down. Piling on never helps. When I need to correct my kid, I tell him what what's--what happened, what needs to happen--and then I ask him if he's got it. If he's got it I always say, "Good, then I won't say anything else about it." Because talking things to death just wears people out. Telling them what they already know, or telling them how they should be feeling, usually does more damage than good. Like I do with the Guerrilla Gospel videos. Get in, make your point, and get out quick. But here's my point for tonight (before I get out quick): people are going through stuff. And a lot of it probably doesn't have anything to do with you. So even if (when) they lash out at you, don't worry about it. Let them vent. Let them feel what they feel. If its anger, let them be angry. If its sadness, let them be sad. Romans 12:15 says it like this, "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." Empathy. Feeling what other people are feeling. Seeing things from their perspective, their point of view. Understanding that there's more going on than meets the eye. I think people are like ducks. Cool as a cucumber on the outside--above the surface--but kicking their feet like mad to keep their heads above water. What's that old phrase? "Everybody is fighting a battle that you know nothing about. So be kind." Let people go through what they're going through. And if you can help them, that's fine. But if you can't, at least try not to make it worse. An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, right? So if someone's yelling at you... maybe don't yell back. Maybe take the time to find out what's really going on. Acknowledge their feelings. Validate them. "I hear you. I understand." And, one more thing, sometimes people aren't ready to talk. That's ok. Sometimes they need to just scream first. Let those emotions out. So don't retaliate, and don't turn and run. But don't force yourself on them either. Just make yourself available. Just be there for people. Let them be who they are. Let them go through what they're going through. Be understanding. Be patient. Be kind. Make sure you're helping and not hurting.