Empathy part 2
This is the verse that I had in mind when I decided to write this Rant series about empathy, "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep" (Romans 12:15). Because, basically, that's what empathy is. Its getting down to someone's level. Not expecting anything from them, but standing by them as they go through whatever it is they're going through. That's how you build relationships. That's how you connect with people. It drives me crazy--and I'm REALLY hard to bother--when people try to tell other people how they should feel. "That's not something to get upset about." Really? Because I'm upset about it. So now you're saying my feelings aren't valid. And when you refuse to validate someone's feelings... you've lost them. Why would I even listen to you at all when you're telling me I'm wrong about what I feel? I can't suddenly stop feeling the way I feel... but now you're making me feel bad about how I feel. So now I'm stuck. I'm upset about what happened, and now I'm even more upset because I'm not "supposed" to be upset. Thanks for the escalation. Where's the understanding though? Where's the compassion? If I'm upset, can't you just let me be upset? If I need to vent, can't you just let me vent? I ALWAYS tell people, "feel what you feel... but don't let it control you." Because its ok to be upset. But its not ok to throw a fit. And I'm convinced that people scream because they want to be heard. If you dismiss someone, chances are they will either shut down, or they will be louder. Flight or fight, right? I keep coming back to that. When really all they needed was for someone to say, "I hear you. I get it. I understand." They needed someone to weep with them when they were weeping. Someone to let them know that they're ok--even if they're upset. And, again, this is kind of my nature as that middle child. That peacemaker. I want to de-escalate things. I want to keep things on an even keel. Get it back to good. This very morning on the way to school/work Logan and I needed to take a minute to recalibrate because we were getting upset. Point being: Life happens. Every single day. Things don't always go your way. And if you try to repress your emotions, what you really do is just bottle them up until they explode. That's not healthy. Nobody--including our heavenly Father--wants a bunch of emotionless robots running around. And I like the contrast in our memory verse between rejoicing and weeping. Because you really can't have one without the other. If everything was "amazing" nothing would be. And I'm not talking about an emotional rollercoaster either, where you're constantly up and then down and then up and then down. There has to be some balance. But that's where our loved ones come in. They can KEEP us balanced. They can weep with us when we're weeping, and then they can offer that hand to help us up. You can connect with someone without getting yourself stuck there. You can pull people up instead of letting them pull you down. But the first step is loving them right where they're at. Letting them feel how they feel. And feeling it (to some degree at least) with them. Letting them know that it might not feel like it right this second, but it WILL be ok. Not demanding that they BE ok right this second, but offering a glimpse at the light at the end of the tunnel. More tomorrow.