Expectations part 1
I'm just going to go ahead and dive into a full Rant series on the folly of having expectations. I talk about it a lot, but I want to really dig into it. Because I believe our expectations are our biggest roadblocks. It seems to me that the reason we get so disappointed isn't because of how things actually are, but because of how we wish things were. Let's start with a memory verse: "For all their expectations, they are doomed to disappointment; even though they have come and searched this far" (Job 6:20 NIV). Doomed to disappointment. Because of our expectations. Because the picture in our head doesn't exist. And don't get me wrong, I'm a realist if I'm anything, but I'm guilty of this. Wishing and hoping that things would turn out one way and then getting frustrated when they don't. This is especially true when it comes to people. When I get to know someone I can pretty well figure out what they're going to do in a given situation. But people aren't robots. We have good days, bad days, and everything in between. So just because something happened once doesn't mean it will happen again. Just because something has never happened doesn't mean it will never happen. And the best way to get upset with someone is to expect them to do what you want, insteaad of what they want. Because people do what they want. Almost all of the time. Sure, we'll jump through hoops. But usually only to GET what we want. I don't want to go to work, but I want to get paid. The end justifies the means, right? But when you put what YOU want on someone else... you're setting yourself up for frustration and you're setting them up for failure. I bristle against the idea of obligation. If its an obligation... to me its like having to beg for something. Its not worth it. Because if you're doing something simply because you're obligated, then your heart isn't in it. And I think the only reason you should do anything is because its in your heart to do it. Now, again, I understand taking care of business. You don't work, you don't eat. I get that. But I'm talking about the important stuff. Relationship. And if you have to manipulate someone in order to get them to do something for you... that's a problem. "You owe me!" Well. "Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law" (Romans 13:8). And that's the thing: When you love someone you'll do what they want WITHOUT them having to beg, or manipulate, or obligate. Love is giving. We give ourselves to the ones we love. And we do it without expectation. Because if you're loving someone with the intent of getting something from them... that's not love. Period. Love is never about getting. Because love is giving. And when you give something, as a gift, there can be no expectations. Even what the person does with the gift is none of your business. If you expect them to do something specific with what you've given them... you're doomed to disappointment. So stop with the expectations. Stop expecting people to do what YOU want. Let people be who they are, and love them anyway. Love them... and don't worry about anything else. Love fearlessly. Without expectation!