Expectations part 3
Where things get tricky is in relationships. I've always found even the idea of two people--two completely individual, unique, different people--smashing their lives together. Differing opinions. Differing ideas. Differing... expectations. I guess I'm trying to say it takes a lot to make a relationship work. And I'm not necessarily talking about romantic relationships. But those are included. Because no matter what kind of relationship it is, be it friends, family, romantic, or what, we need to be able to let people be who they are. Even if that means not BEING in relationship with everybody. I heard someone once say, "You do have to love everyone, but you don't have to like everyone." And here's the hardest part: Just because you love someone... that DOESN'T mean they will love you back. You can't make someone feel a certain way about you. No matter what you do. But that doesn't mean you should stop loving them. Perhaps just... love them from a distance. And this is especially hard when the person in question has done you wrong. But I would refer you to Matthew 5:44, "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." Now, I've gone on record many times as saying that I don't believe you should ever put yourself (or keep yourself) in a bad situation. Turning the other cheek means not retaliating, but I'm not sure we should just stand there and let people wail on us forever either. I think an important skill to develope is to know when to say when. And for me, its like this: Give something (or someone) everything you've got. Then its either enough... or its not. And either way you've done your part. If you expect someone to change into what you want them to be because you love them... then, I'm sorry, but you have a twisted view of what love is. Love does not demand His own way. Love simply gives what He has. Gives what He is. Now, listen: Love CAN change people. It is the goodness of God that leads men to repentance. But that's not your job. Getting people to change is not your job. And expecting people to change will make you doomed to disappointment. Because change cannot come from the outside. It must come from within. Which is to say, people do what they want. They won't change unless THEY want to. Not because YOU want them to. And I know we've probably all been guilty of hanging on to someone too long. I'm surely guilty of that. Trying to help... trying to help... trying to help... and feeling like you're just pouring your love into a black hole. That's about the most frustrating thing I can think of. And, again, I know this from experience. You can't help people that don't help themselves. Or that don't want your help. Unasked for advice is unwanted advice. And that doesn't mean you stop loving them. It just means you've done what you can... win, lose, or draw. So just do your best and forget the rest. Love because you have love to give, not because you expect it to do something. Give it all you've got... and then let it be what it is. And if that means loving someone from a distance... well... you can pray for those that despitefully use you without continuing to give them a chance to despitefully use you. I don't think you should ever put, or keep, yourself in a bad, abusive, situation... expecting it to get better.