Forbearing part 2
Its not just putting up with people. Its forbearing them in love. Not just tolerating people, but celebrating people. Love means affection. The love feast. Sharing a meal. Sharing what you've got. Seeing a need and meeting it. Not kicking people when they're down. Not crossing the road and ignoring them. But reaching down to help people up. Basically, what the Bible says in Phillipians 2:4, "Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others." And the coolest part about it is, if I'm looking out for you, and you're looking out for me, neither of us has to worry about ourselves. Because here's some truth for you: You aren't always the easiest person to put up with, either. We all have things about ourselves that we don't like, right? Well, even if other people don't notice (or care) about those things... chances are they DO notice something they don't like. Nobody likes everything about somebody. But we put up with it. Remember I mentioned yesterday about how we excuse people by saying, "That's just the way they are." Even when the way they are may or may not be ok. Let me say it another way, "Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins" (Proverbs 10:12). When you don't like someone, its easy to pick on them. To get frustrated by anything and everything they do. But did you notice--and I think this is most glaring in romantic relationships, but can be seen everywhere if you look for it--did you ever notice that when you really like someone you can develope a blind spot for them? That's why they say, "Love is blind." Because the things that would normally bother you... don't. Because you're so preoccupied with what you DO like about them. I don't think "love" is the right term for this idea, though. Because when the infatuation (lust?) wears off those things that you were blind to become pretty important. And, really, I think rather than being blind, love sees clearly. Love sees the heart. The deep calling out to the deep. The light in me seeking out, and responding to, the light in you. 1 Peter 4:8 echoes what we saw in Proverbs, "And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins." And let me say this about that: Charity is love in action. So when we actively (fervently) love each other, none of that other stuff matters. When we forbear in love... with love... then its not about pretending people are our idea of perfect. Its about letting people be who they are, and loving them anyway. You can't change anybody. So stop trying. Be who you are, and let people be who they are. You can still be in relationship. You can still have your own ideas and morals. You never have to cross your own lines. Loving people doesn't mean enabling them. It doesn't mean betraying yourself. Or putting yourself in a bad situation. It means giving what you've got, and then knowing that its either enough... or its not. You can't control, or change anybody. And you can't help everybody. So just do what you can do. And if--look, lets be realistic--if you can't reach somebody, and all you do is make things worse no matter how hard you try, then maybe you should love them from a distance. Something nothing is the most you can do. But if you're doing it in love, then you're right where you need to be. Help when you can, and get out of the way when you must. Helping or hurting. Don't make things worse!