Tough Love part 1
Let's look at this concept for a while. Because the simple fact is: You can't do everything. And neither can I. You can't reach everybody. And neither can I. You can't help everybody. And neither can I. And sometimes you do more damage by holding on than by letting go. Think about grabbing a rope. The harder you squeeze, the more you hurt your own hand. And the harder you pull... well... you just might snap the rope. So sometimes, even when its the hardest thing to do, you have to let go. You have to let people walk away, if that's what they want to do. Because people are going to do what THEY want to do whether YOU want them to or not. And sometimes YOU have to walk away. Because once you've given something everything you've got, its either enough... or it isn't. If its enough, great. And if it isn't, well, that's something you just have to learn to accept. I quoted this verse a few days ago but I want to use it again here: "And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear you, when ye depart thence, shake off the dust under your feet for a testimony against them. Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city" (Mark 6:11). And in the Message Bible, "If you're not welcomed, not listened to, quietly withdraw. Don't make a scene. Shrug your shoulders and be on your way." Do what you can do. But don't bang your head against the wall. All you'll end up with is a headache. I think that's one type of "tough love." When you STOP. And I don't mean you stop loving. Because when you know who you are--Jesus, God in the flesh, love in a body--you can't stop loving. When you know who you are love isn't just what you do, its literally who you are. I just mean there comes a time when, despite your best efforts, you end up hurting instead of helping. And like I said, over the next few days I really want to look at this concept. But I think there's another kind of "tough love" too. Which is where we DON'T stop. Where we think we know best and won't accept anything else. I love the verse in Proverbs 22:6 that says, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I've tried to incorporate that into how I rasie my son. Specifically, training him up in the way he SHOULD go. Telling him what's RIGHT with him instead of what's wrong with him. Because I think its easier to build something from scratch than to fix something that's broken. So I tell him things like, "You're better than that." I try not to, well, be too tough on him. Or go to hard on him. I have high expectations, yes. Because I think he's capable of meeting them. But when my kid is tired... I try to cut him some slack. Because he's just a little guy. And when he gets tired he gets cranky. Just like his daddy. I see myself in him, in that way, big time. So instead of pushing and pushing and pushing--and then calling it tough love--I give a little. Remember (and this is critically important) love does not demand its (HIS) own way. God is love. God is Spirit. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Love gives us the room to learn and grow. To be who we are as we learn who we are. Its ok to be meek. Meekness is not weakness. Meekness is strength under control. You can be a tough guy without proving it on those who are weaker than you. And you can love people even if they don't meet your expectations.