Tough Love part 2
Its not tough to pick on someone weaker than you. And its certainly not love. Its not tough to hang on to something because you feel like you can't let go. And its certainly not love. Those, to me, are the two ways that we use the term "tough love." What has always struck me about that term is that "tough love," in that sense, always looks like one person trying to get their own way. It always looks mean. And we know that love is patient and kind. We know that love doesn't demand its (HIS) own way. So I don't think there's such a thing as tough love in the way that we usually think of it. I think love IS tough though. Becuase love never fails. Because love endures. Think about it: You don't demand your own way. You're patient and kind. And you never give up. THAT'S tough, man. Letting people be who they are and loving them anyway. Giving everything you have and everything you are, and then knowing when to walk away. THAT'S tough. Not giving an eye for an eye--which is easy, but leaves everybody blind--but turning the other cheek. That's tough. I heard a quote one time and it went something like this, "The greatest warrior is the one who lets his sword rust in its scabbard." Basically, just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you HAVE to. All things are lawful for me, but not all things are edifying. It takes more strength to let things go than to get back at people. It takes more strength for forgiveness than revenge. To me, tough love is loving someone even when the going gets tough. Even when its not easy. Its not about putting unrealistic demands on people (and then being disappointed when they inevitably fail to live up to our expectations). Its about letting people be who they are, even when they are doing stuff we don't agree with. Its not about slamming someone because they made a mess. Its about helping them clean it up. And as far as getting to that point where you give it all you've got (which means its either enough... or it isn't) and then walking away... that doesn't mean you slam the door shut and lock it. Because right now is only right now. Most things come to pass, not to stay. People change as they learn and grow and mature. And, yeah, I know from experience, putting yourself out there is a great way to get hurt. Sometimes when you reach out to help someone they slap your hand away. But what if, later on, they come to you for help? Fool me once shame on you? Or should we be tough enough to put ourselves out there again? Jesus had this answer to a similar question: "And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him" (Luke 17:4). That's maturity. That's toughness. Having thick skin. Not letting every little thing bother you. I always say, "Don't take it personally, even if it is." Because you can either build walls... or you can build bridges. And love is the tie that binds. Love doesn't separate, it connects. So even if you had to walk away... God allows u-turns. It says so on my Bible case. My point is, most of the time you get what you pay for. If something is tough... that means its probably worthwhile. So don't overstay your welcome. Don't bang your head against the wall. And don't kick people while they're down. Don't be mean. Be tough. Tough love is the love that doesn't give up, but knows when to back off!